A guy and a gal after having sex in the backseat of the car

A guy and a gal were in the backseat of his car after having sex. The guy says to the gal, "If I would have known you were a virgin I would have taken more time." The gal replies, "Hell, if I'd a known you had more time, I'd a taken off my pantyhose.

Dead pussy

An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead pussy. The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.

GRAB MY BREASTS

She goes into Walmart and tells the clerk she wants a refund for the toaster she bought because it doesn't work. The clerk tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special. All of a sudden, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming!

"GRAB MY BREASTS! GRAB MY BREASTS!"

The clerk, not knowing what to do, runs to get the store manager.The manager comes up to the Woman and asks, "What's wrong?" She explains the situation with the toaster. He tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special. Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming,

"GRAB MY BREASTS! GRAB MY BREASTS!"

In shock, the store manager pleads, "Ma'am, why are you saying that?"In a huff, the woman says, "BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY BREASTS GRABBED WHEN I'M GETTING SCREWED!" ---

Her money was refunded ...............

Donna in the bus

Donna rides the bus to work every day. Todayshe's in some discomfort because she has a pain inher lower abdomen. She finally realizes that itsjust a tremendous build up of gas from somethingshe ate. The bus is quite crowded and she doesn'tknow what to do. Then she remembers that prettysoon the bus will run across some railroad tractsand it will rattle and bang and make lots ofnoise. She will be able to pass this gas andnobody will know.

What she doesn't know is that the bus driver alsorides the bus everyday and has grown tired of allthe noise the bus makes when it rattles and bangsacross the railroad tracts. So last night hestayed after work and had the maintenance crewtighten up all the loose bolts and lubricate allthe moving parts to quiet down the old bus.

Well, here come the railroad tracts, Donnaraises up on one cheek and lets it rip. It wasone long, loud, juicy sounding fart. The busdidn't rattle and bang like it usually did and nowyou could hear a pin drop inside the bus aseverybody started looking around.

Donna thought that maybe no one knew whodid it and that she should just act natural. Shethought she should just start a conversation withsomeone as if nothing had happened. She leanedover to the man sitting across the aisle andcasually asked him, 'Do you have a transfer?'He politely responded, 'No I don't, but the nexttree we pass I will try and grab you a handful of leaves....'

blind man kicks ass...

One day, a blind man and his dog are walking Down a street, they come to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man out into the thick of traffic.This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.The blind man and his dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street, and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket, and offers it to the dog.A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!"The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To find out where his head is, so I can kick his ass."

Little flea

A flea had oiled up his little flea legs and his little flea arms, had spread out his blanket, and was proceeding to soak up the sun when who should stumble by on the beach but an old flea friend of his. "Oscar, what happened to you?", asked the flea, because Oscar looked terrible, wrapped up in a blanket, his nose running, his eyes red, and his teeth chattering. "I got a ride down here in some guy's mustache and he came down here by motorcycle. I nearly froze my nuts off," wheezed Oscar. "Let me give you a tip, old pal," said the first flea, spreading some more suntan oil on his shoulders. "You go to the stewardess lounge at the airport, see, and you get up on the toilet seat, and when a stewardess comes in to take a leak, you hop on for a nice warm ride. Got it?" So you can imagine the flea's surprise when, a month or so later, while stretched out all warm and comfortable on the beach, who should he see but Oscar - looking more chilled and miserable than before. "Listen," said Oscar, "I did everything you said. I made it to the stewardess lounge and waited till a really cute one came in, and made a perfect landing and got so warm and cozy that I dozed right off." "And so?" asked the first flea. "And so the next thing I know, I'm on this guy's mustache again."